See status as of: February 3, 2003 | August 18, 2003 | June 2, 2004 | November 21, 2004 | December 16, 2004 | May 6, 2005 | June 28, 2005 | November 22, 2006 | December 22, 2006 | March 30, 2007 | June 1, 2007 | October 1, 2007
Sometimes your best just isn't good enough
Dearest Samantha,
Someday, when you grow older, you might ask questions about why your father wasn’t around for you. In anticipation of those questions, and in case I’m not able to answer them for you directly, let me provide the primary answer now: my love, alone, wasn’t capable enough to protect you from those who intended you harm.
Today I filed what will be my last legal brief to protect our relationship. This one document summarizes my 7-year battle to stay involved in your life. (Hey daddy! I’m 7-years old, too!) I know pumpkin – my fight for you began shortly after you were born. This document is called a petition for writ of certiorari and it was filed with the highest court in this country – the U.S. Supreme Court. Learning the law and fighting these cruel and corrupt judges and attorneys were the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Though your love is what kept me going, this war has left me with open wounds that cannot be mended. (Daddy, I’ll get you one of my Elmo Band-Aids.) You’re a kind-hearted girl sunshine but, unfortunately, that won’t stop my bleeding. Though don’t ever feel guilty about my pain; my conscience led me into this war understanding that I would be facing people with guns and without integrity. My goal was to face them so that you wouldn’t have to. The love I felt for you provided me that strength and courage. The eternal wounds were the payment required for feeling this love. The important lesson is this: anything of value always has its price.
Anyway, the purpose of this document is to ask the final decision-makers to let me stand in front of them and explain why I should be allowed back into your life. I do not expect these people to grant me that opportunity. (Why daddy?) I don’t know baby; someday, maybe you can ask them directly. In fact, I hope one day you will. Though, make no mistake about it sunshine: the terrorist judges and attorneys won this battle not by ideas, logic, or morals – as with all governments, they won solely based on their wielding of force.
After they refuse (which I expect will occur at the beginning of October when their next term starts), I will be out of options and you will grow up without me as a tangible part of your life. (But daddy! I don’t want you to leave! [Crying]) Please don’t cry sweetheart; it will not make anyone change their minds and I don’t know what else to do that has a real chance to succeed. You should instead focus on what will be positive in your life. Grow up with the inspiration that I pushed myself beyond my limits to do what was right by you. Crying about the negatives and my failure will only hurt you further and distract you from your potential. All through your life, you will be denied things that you want. You must always work hard to achieve what you want but, oftentimes, there will be bad people (sometimes with the force of guns) who will attempt to prevent you. As you face these bad people, I cannot provide you advice as to how to achieve what you seek. Those thoughts, decisions, actions, and consequences will be your own.
In the future, you might visit a place called the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. It is a frightening but important place to visit as it is a telling reflection of how immoral people can be. There’s an important quote there that I hope you will ponder: “Thou shalt not be a victim. Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Above all, thou shalt not be a bystander.” Our friends and family did not take any action to help us stay together. Please don’t blame them, as they were under no obligation and, given what I have learned through this horrendous process, I don’t think it would have made a difference in getting to spend more time with you. Forgive them, especially your mother. But do learn from all of them – be a better friend and family member than they were to you. Please munchkin, follow the golden rule: do unto others…
Beautiful Samantha, throughout my torturous childhood, I dreamt of the love, environment, and opportunities I would provide for my children. I intended that my children would avoid the suffering I experienced. Call me naïve and idealistic, but it kept me moving forward. I had many plans and dreams for both of us. These plans and dreams will now have to change. I am sorry. You deserved more. Judge me as you will.
Love always,
Daddy
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